Too much or not enough?

In my last blog I encouraged self-love. We should love ourselves because otherwise we cannot love others. While researching this topic, I came across a Christian blog post in which someone wondered why everyone talks about self-love, but in his opinion, love for one’s neighbor is really the important thing.

And then I found the following definition for self-love in the Merriam Webster dictionary: An often unjustified feeling of being pleased with oneself or with one’s situation or achievements

Interesting. It says “often unjustified”. That got me thinking. Self-love is portrayed very negatively here. Not unjustly, because an excessive amount of self-love is definitely unhealthy. But too little is not good either. Yes, you can fall off the horse on either side. This is a German expression that I have translated here directly because I like it so much. It means that you can miss the mark in different ways.

What, then, is self-love? I believe it has to do with knowing one’s own value, which God has given to each of us irrevocably. No one can change this value. It’s a given, no matter what you or other people think, what they say or how they behave. And depending on the knowledge of our value, we may or may not have self-love.

Let’s come back to the question of whether we have too much or too little of this self-love and whether we should encourage people to love themselves or rather not.

There are those to whom we want to shout, “Don’t take yourself so seriously, don’t think only of yourself!” Surprisingly these people doubt their worth, but through their behavior and statements they constantly want to convince themselves and others that they are worthy of being loved. They otherwise feel they are being overlooked or are not getting their due. They need to take good care of themselves because no one else will. They are preoccupied with themselves, so they can’t feel other people, and so they overrun or overwhelm them. At the same time, these people are sometimes the greatest achievers for good causes, because they also sense where others are not getting a fair shake!

And there are the others who need to be encouraged: ” Love yourself and think of yourself as well!” They, too, doubt their worth. But they feel they have no claim to it, they are not important and so they are passive because they are not good enough. They withdraw and accept that. Because they don’t give themselves value, they think they must not have needs. They can sense everyone else but themselves. These are the quiet helpers, because they take others’ needs seriously.

So both sides actually have the same deficiency: they do not feel worthy. But they evaluate these thoughts differently and thus behave in opposite ways. In both cases it is difficult to love other people. But Jesus came to take away this lack from us! He gives us value. And let’s not forget that we don’t have to do anything for this value!

I think Jesus says to the one, “I am a God who is more than enough. I am a God who provides for you and promises you an abundant life. You are valuable, you don’t have to fight for it! Come to rest! You are loved and don’t have to worry that I don’t have enough for you. Your worth is assured, even if you don’t think of yourself as much.”

To the other, Jesus would say: “You are loved, perceived, valuable and capable. You are safe with me. You may and can actively take responsibility for yourself and for your needs, because you are valuable! You are allowed to love yourself! You may think of yourself!”

When we accept these promises of God for us, we have healthy self-love. Not too much and not too little. That is, we will stand firm in this tremendous love of God that gives us our worth. Then we will have enough love for ourselves so that we can accept, endure and even love other people. Because we know that our value is independent of other people.

It is good to determine if we have a deficiency and what we need from Jesus. We may ask him for his help to know the truth and to know our value. Jesus is more than enough and helps us with all our needs, he always has more than we need!

We are not to fall off the horse on either side. So let’s pick up the Bible, pray and listen to God.
Freed from our lack of worth and strengthened in healthy self-love, we set out to love people!