The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
Do you have friends with whom you can talk about every situation in life and who are simply good for you? Who have a calming effect on you when you are at your limit – because you know that they are for you and they understand you? I am so grateful for such friends! Where would we be without people like them?
Who are your friends? Who do you spend your free time with?
Most of the time, you will not only find the encouraging species in your circle of acquaintances. Some of them are exciting, supportive, funny, but some are rather annoying, selfish or negative. I’ve taken the liberty of dividing them into 3 categories (with smooth transitions):
Category: “Yes, please!”
Category: ” Maybe”
Category: “No, thanks!”
As you can imagine, the people with whom I feel valued and seen are in the “yes, please” category. When I am with them, I feel good and my energy supply is filled up. I have full confidence in these people, which does not waver even when there is a misunderstanding. They are also the only category that is allowed to correct me, because they are always for me. I want to surround myself with such people and consciously spend time with them. There at the top and as our role model is God, who always tells me how valuable, capable and loved I am.
The “maybe” group are nice people, but they repeatedly display behavior that is hurtful. Maybe it’s a friend who keeps making sexist comments and doesn’t realize that it’s not funny (see also the last post)? Or a work colleague who is 15 minutes late for every meeting? An acquaintance with whom I hardly get a word in edgewise? For some of these people, a clarifying conversation helps to bring them closer to the first group. I can tell them that I appreciate them, but that it hurts me when they show these behaviors. This gives them a choice. Honest communication is becoming increasingly important to me – it doesn’t have to be brutal! When I talk about things that haven’t been addressed, the air becomes cleaner! The older I get (this is one of the advantages of getting older) the more confident I feel about it and the less I fear the reaction to it.
“If people show you through their behavior that they don’t care about you, believe them,” says Csilla Muscan. For me this means: If this person decides to not change their behavior, they drop into the “No, thanks” group.
“No, thanks.” With this last group I can kindly decline the contact. I spend as little time as possible with this species because it robs my energy and/or self-confidence and poisons my thoughts. If there is no other way and I have to spend time with these people, I can ask God to be with me and whisper the truth about myself into my ear again and again. And this truth is that I am loved! But even for these people I can pray that they discover God’s love for themselves and for those around them.
Friends can destroy one another, but a loving friend can stick closer than family.
Proverbs 18:24
Because we have a good God, I trust that He will also help me with my friendships. I can pray for encouraging, great friends. A good prerequisite for this is when I am a good friend myself, one that can be relied on! In any case, there is no friend more encouraging, helpful, wise and reliable than God. He is always there for me – and you! He cares a lot about his relationship with you, but he also wants you to have good relationships with people around you. If you ask him, he helps you to consciously have and maintain good friendships!
