Collect trust like marbles

Do you have people in your life that you trust completely and others that you don’t know where you stand? And sometimes you don’t understand why? Who deserves your trust? And how about yourself: Are you someone who people trust?

How does trust come about? In her book “Daring Greatly”, Brené Brown compares it to a jar that has more or less marbles in it. If you show me that you care for me, then marbles go into your glass; if you disappoint me, I take marbles out. When your glass is full, then I trust you, then I can be open and vulnerable with you.

For me, marbles are added to the glass when my husband takes his time and listens attentively to me, even though he has many other things on his mind at the moment. I feel valued when someone stands by me in front of other people. Or imagine someone bringing you your favorite croissant, even though you only mentioned it once. It also feels good when a sun lover sits with me in the shade without even being asked, because she knows that the sun is not good for me. And how nice it is when someone shares my joy because I have achieved something. Or someone spends time with me and listens to me when I’m down.

These are situations in which affection, reliability and appreciation are transmitted. They result in a lot of marbles in the glass and thus trust. I will always enjoy spending time with these people, I turn to them when I have problems, when I need help and when I have made an embarrassing mistake. They will not judge me, but will stand by me. Having friends whose appreciation I feel and whom I can fully trust makes me grateful.

What’s amazing is that trust-building doesn’t come from heroic acts, but is a process that comes from many small, positive acts of attention, good listening, consideration, care, and support. Such behavior makes me feel seen and valued.

My trust will rapidly decline through critical judging, defensiveness, stone-walling, and especially contempt. These are violations that destroy trust. If such behavior occurs again and again, I will distance myself and avoid contact. I can’t demand trust from another person either, I have to earn it!

Am I a person who deserves trust? How do I behave towards my friends and also towards strangers? Do I manage to be kind and generous, even if I am not doing so well myself? I realize that there is definitely room for improvement for me!

Be devoted to each other like a loving family. Excel in showing respect for each other.
Rom 12:10

Jesus’ loving and appreciative behavior amazed and delighted people during his lifetime. Reading in the Bible how much he showed people respect and acceptance is awesome. He set an example for us, people trusted him! The apostles also showed appreciation and care to the people after Jesus’ death and were thus highly respected among the people.

I am sure that their glasses were full of marbles – although they were not perfect either!
How many marbles do you think are in my jar and yours? Let’s collect marbles and build trust.